Once again I will say anger is not wrong, nor in it's self bad. It is the unresolved anger that leads to frustration, and unresolved frustration, can lead to acting out or held in leads to bitterness. Looking back over the years of my life that is where the battle lies. Because of that I had to surrender to God and let him lead me through life and healing. I will not tell you I have achieved perfect healing and have resolved all my frustrations to this date. However I am thankful that I am well on my way towards God's intended plans for me. It has been due to some recent events over the last few years in my life and once again facing anger and frustration, that I have looked at my journey with God my Father and identified what was causing me pain. This is why I want to share my journey, it is my testimony and healing.
Anger and frustration causes a whole list of pains and troubles. At it's core we see health issues, broken relationships, bad out look on life, and so much more. Maybe you have a few you could add to this simplified list I just gave. Each day I have to take a hard look at where I am and take inventory of what is still needed for an overcoming life, and true joy. It is like a couple that gets married seeing the short comings in each other, thinking that after they are married they can change each other. Then when they discover they can't they are already angry, frustrated, and full of pain. I have had to realize that I am not called to change anyone, not even my wife. I am in charge of my own life and there is where change needs to happen on a regular basis. Trying to change someone or something you have no control over only leads to anger and frustration.
Yes I have been hurt by others, let down and abused. Yet for some reason I have been more angry and frustrated at myself. I have held false expectations of myself, which leads to false expectations of others. This adds to the pain, why can't they see who I truly am. The problem with that was I did not really know who I was, how could I expect them to see what was so deeply hidden.
We can look at the story of Jacob and Esau. These are two totally different men, Yet as you read their story you can see how Esau had let anger and frustration lead his life. Then notice how the writer of Hebrews portrays Esau and using him as an example of bitterness.
Heb 12:15-17 looking diligently lest any fail of the grace of God, or lest any root of bitterness springing up disturb you, and by it many are defiled, (lest there be any fornicator, or profane person like Esau, who for one morsel of food sold his birthright. For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected; for he did not find any place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears).
Anger can cause a lot of pain, if we do not deal with it. I know it did in me. I was my worst enemy. I carried my pain like somewhat a badge of honor. I had come to hate where I had come from and did not like where I was going. Yet in all this pain I was seeking God and trying to follow His voice.
As I was telling you last time, the mess I was in with my first church. Well it finely came to a big blow out. To this day I will not say I knew what I was doing, but I felt with all my heart I was doing the right thing. I was trying with all I knew to follow God's lead and put into action truths I had been discovering. Well that got me into a lot of trouble and pain. Before I knew what had happened or had time to really deal with where I was in the church, I was kicked out and called to a meeting with our fellowship President, and supposed counsel. I was being called in to answer charges that were laid against me by the previous pastor concerning stealing money, trying to undermine His authority, and a few other things such as false teachings.
Needless to say I was hurt and very angry. How could they do this to me, where was the evidence? Of course I knew they had none, because I knew I did not do what I was accused of. I walked the block I don't know how many times. This man just a few week earlier had made sure I was booted out of the church, and told to leave town. Then in a meeting we had with him, he told me God wanted me to repent and submit to him and move to the town where he was and attend his church. No way was that going to happen. So, because I would not be intimidated, he raised charges against me in our fellowship. I was being wronged and God I was not going to stand by and let it happen, is what I was telling God each time I went around the block. I just wonder what people thought as they saw me walking, talking, and displaying a lot of emotion with no one around me.
What God spoke to me at that moment was very hard, but I needed God to be on my side, He told me to hold my peace, I was not going to win that battle in my anger. Then the following scriptures came to me.
Rom_12:17 Repay no one evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men.
1Th_5:15 See that none gives evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue the good, both towards one another and towards all.
1Pe_3:9 Never give back evil for evil, or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, giving blessing, knowing that you are called to this so that you might inherit blessing.
I entered the meeting that night with only my wife and one person at my side. I had come to a resolve to be at peace even in my anger. As I entered the room there was the one accusing me, the President of our fellowship, and two other men and the one was my pastor whom I had served under and with for 17 years. He was there to accuse me of false teaching. I was being called a heretic, I could have probably endured all the other accusations, but my pastor? It cut me to the core and my spirit almost left me right there. How could he, if anybody should have known me and my heart it was him. All my anger melted in complete pain.
Continued next week
Continued next week
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