Anger vs. Angery

Now that I had a vacation, life is back to usual. Busy with daily task, but thoughts continue to race through my mind.

(Eph 4:26)  Be angry, and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down upon your wrath,

I talked last time about giving healing time, I am in no way an expert, but let me ask a few questions and present a few thoughts about anger.  I truly understand and believe that anger is a natural emotion given to us by God.  Through out the Bible we see God himself displaying anger,  There were men of God using anger to exact righteous judgments.  When carefully reading the gospels we can see Jesus exercising this very emotion.  With this in mind let me ask.

Is there good anger and bad? to answer this lets look a little closer to what Paul wrote to the Ephesian church.

Eph 4:23  and that ye be renewed in the spirit of your mind,:24  and put on the new man, that after God hath been created in righteousness and holiness of truth.:25  Wherefore, putting away falsehood, speak ye truth each one with his neighbor: for we are members one of another.:26  Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath::27  neither give place to the devil.:28  Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labor, working with his hands the thing that is good, that he may have whereof to give to him that hath need.:29  Let no corrupt speech proceed out of your mouth, but such as is good for edifying as the need may be, that it may give grace to them that hear.:30  And grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, in whom ye were sealed unto the day of redemption.:31  Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and railing, be put away from you, with all malice::32  and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, even as God also in Christ forgave you.

In this setting Paul is dealing with the change that needs to take place in true believers. The key is, Paul telling us to have a changed attitude. In daily task we deal with people, family, and friends. We are met with at times disappointment, betrayal, hurts, and failed trust. We cannot change that in life.  I cannot change the mind set or behavior of another person.  When I was called to ministry, I was not called to change people. I was called to preach the gospel of the kingdom in truth. Then it it is up to those who hear to decide to change.  What we are encouraged by Paul to do is how we respond to life's struggles after we become believers. Anger is good or bad, based on how we deal with it.  What kind of anger do you have?

Do we dwell on it and let it turn into more than anger.  In my own life, I have used anger to defend a cause. As I have mentioned before. I was bullied and picked on a lot growing up. It was anger that would give me strength to fight back at times, it became a part of how I saw others being treated and would often defended the weak and abused.  In those moments, I had no malice or ill will towards those I rose up against.  The event was over and I would not dwell on it. Now however there were times I did get angry and would let an event or person get to me. I would then dwell on it and at times did not handle it well.

Are we supposed to get rid of our anger, or forget certain life events?  I remember talking to a fellow pastor some years ago about an event in my life.  After sharing it with him, he proceeded to tell me, I had un-forgiveness and needed to forget about it.  I often hear from ministries and church groups tell us the need to let our past go, but how can we really when God gave us this mind and it is full of memories good and bad. The past is a part of who we are and are the building blocks of our lives. One should not expect you to just forget past events in life. We should not let our past hold us captive, but should use those life events as tools and examples for learning. Like touching something hot should not bind us in fear but teach us how we need to handle what is hot, like using a hot pad next time.

Once again it is what we do with those events that makes our anger good or bad.  What comes out of your mouth?  How do you or I act in life events?   Can we be angry and not have malice, use bad language, or grieve the holy spirit of God?  I have often been told not to grieve the spirit, but I do not remember it being used in the context of anger.  This is my opinion, I can not do anything about the events that have already happened to me. Yet I can do something about how I respond and deal with them.  I do not believe God expects us to forget bad life events. Nor do I believe He expects us not to be angry.  For me I think it would have been good to confront many things and people in one way or another.

Can we forgive without confronting?  I do believe it can be done, but also believe it is much easier if we can confront the offender, To express our anger and feelings and then choose to forgive. Unfortunately we are not always afforded the opertunity.  For me I have written letters and sent them, made phone calls and other times confronted the offender.  Now keep in mind there is a biblical way of doing this.  Then in my life it had to be in proxy when I dealt with things, or just had to turn certain people and memories over to Father God.  I had to learn how to deal with my anger when I knew it was getting the better of me.

As I mentioned before, My Dad had an explosive temper when I was growing up. Looking back I know now the root of it all was anger.  Our family life was so messed up and it would take months to explain it all. The thing I grew up knowing was I did not want to be like my father and it created a wall between us.  It was not until I was married did I begin to understand, but by then the damage was done to both of us. This very ideal of refusing to be like my dad became a life long battle.  It seemed to more I fought the ideal of his anger, the more I seemed to be like him.  It effected my relationship with my wife in many ways.  Early on I told her if she even treated me in any way like my mother treated my father, I was leaving.  Then when it came to fights, early in our marriage I would get angry, then so I would not be like my father, I would just walk out on her. As we all know this did not solve anything, it made her feel rejected. I refused to let anger get to a point that I would lose control and have a temper.

I was in need of healing in many ways. The unfortunate thing about many of the ministers I knew and grew up with were never open about their own struggles and looking back were angry people as well. It is the statements they would make or how they talked about others, justifying their own speech and actions. It was after I began to pastor a church that I began to truly rely on God, and let him reveal to me where I was and start the healing.  I will tell you this. It was not over night and it has come with set backs and victories. It is my desire in sharing this with you that you too will allow God to bring healing and change in your own life.  

More next week.

Why Be Angry

Before I start this week, let me clarify a few things.  I do not wish any reader to think that I am angry at them or someone in my past.  I purposely have left out any names of people in my past. Now it it obvious when I talk about my family.  Do not get me wrong, my family life was not all bad growing up. There were just certain elements that was truly messed up and set in motion certain things in all of us Anson children.  I think many people could say the same thing.  When it came to church and serving, the same thing goes there.  I know a lot of people who do not attend church or even want to acknowledge their faith because of something that happened in a church or by a spiritual leader. This is why I am sharing my journey of  healing.  I love my family, friends, and those who have had a part in my life. This is not about them or anyone in particular, this is about healing.

Many people grow up exposed to many different things that impact their lives in different ways. Like my wife was exposed to an alcoholic father that was sexually abusive.  Now he did not touch her, but she knew those he did. After we were married there were things we had to deal with.  Some came easy and others did not.  There are things in all of us at one point or another have to deal with.  Sometimes God,s grace shows out and miraculously we are free, but I would say most the time we have to walk it out in faith through out our life.  It can become the very thing that makes us strong, with mind sets to overcome. To others it may become their defeat, and slip into the very thing they were exposed to. Such as children of alcoholic parents often battle with alcohol, and many lose that battle.  For me I grew up in a home with a father with an explosive temper, and parents that did not know how to show love, nor loved each other. This is my journey of healing that I am sharing with you.

True deep healing takes time. Depending on the hurt or wound, how much time it takes to heal can be a factor. Let's face it, God saves broken people. If we were not broken and in need of emotional, spiritual healing, we would not need a savior.  This seems for me in my life a long time, and that has a lot to due with how I deal with my hurts.  I am one of those guys that if I cut my finger while doing something I need or want to get done. I will not stop my task because of a injury. Now depending how bad the cut is I may stop long enough to wrap or bandage it, but get right back to work, and deal with the cut later.  Others may stop everything and deal with the cut and not do another thing until they feel better. Nether is right or wrong, but it does effect how we heal.  This I believe applies to spiritual and emotional healing as well.  For me I can't let a person, thing or event stop me from doing what I feel needs done and that effect how I heal. It is when I sit down and reflect, or think about it I realize how hurt I am, and often will not take the time to heal before moving on.

My big issue was anger, it laid at the core of everything I had to deal with in my life. The other things I had to overcome in life were just surface issues so to speak, anger was always at the root.  It has taken many years to fully understand this. Because I used my anger for what I thought was strengthening me. In everything I faced in life I used my anger to overcome. I refused to give up on anything. Now I am thankful I did not give up on my faith, but looking back there are many times I should have let go. I would often get something done but there would be body bags everywhere. (metafor)  

Eph 4:26  Be angry, and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down upon your wrath, 

Be angry and don't sin what does that mean?  I the context of this verse I think we can understand what the writer is saying.  Eph 4:22  For you ought to put off the old man (according to your way of living before) who is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, 

Eph 4:23  and be renewed in the spirit of your mind. 
Eph 4:24  And you should put on the new man, who according to God was created in righteousness and true holiness.  God created us with emotions and the ability to express ourselves. If we look at the Bible, we will see God expressing himself with an array of emotions and anger being one of them. So is it wrong to get angry or be angry? I don't think so. So it is the second part of that verse is key to living.  It is how we deal with that anger and what we do when angry.  

Let me tell on myself  about dealing with trouble while angry.  After I had started a church we thought growth was steady and good.  I really wanted to be a good pastor and prove to myself and others that what I had been exposed to earlier in ministry was not the way to do it and one could lead by example, love, and involved in their lives.  The church was barley a year old and I had a whole family of 3 couples claiming I was doing it all wrong and wanted to take over. At that same time I had an old truck that I had purchased from a preacher that had done me wrong in many ways, even took advantage of me when he sold me that truck knowing it had issues. This same preacher was still giving me trouble when that truck broke down. I was dealing with the new church and it's issues and now this truck! I was sure I could fix it myself, when my wife was telling me to get someone to help.  Needless to say I could not get it fixed, something to do with the carburetor.  My anger got to me and I had a fit of rage.  My wife looked out the back of the house finding me dowsing the truck with a can of gasoline. I was going to burn that truck because of who it represented.  She yelled out the door "You burn that truck and it will be the last one you will ever get. Get in this house and you need to pray!"  Now praying was the last thing I really wanted to do, but that is what I did.  Like many times before God gave me peace and an answer to how to deal with the church, and it worked. Now that truck was another thing I just had to get rid of.

You see, I don't think my getting angry at my truck, church, and that preacher was wrong.  It was not wrong to be angry at my past experiences.  It became wrong when it caused me to act out in an ungodly way. From as early as I can remember because of me being bullied and picked on I had used my anger to defend others who were being mistreated.  Yet there where times when I did not do it right and my actions became unrighteous.  That was because I really did not understand that second part of the verse.

Don't let the sun go down on your wrath? What does that mean?  I have heard over the years many explanations, but they always seemed so difficult to do.  Like we must forgive quickly, or don't go to bed angry.  There are many, but let me share my insight.  We are all humans like the ones Paul was addressing, that have a past life and struggles. We all need to change in some way or another, and there are things in all of  use we need to get out of our lives, that do not help us live Godly.  We are all called to be like Jesus and the people God had intended us to be. For me the Sun going down was a change in time from one day to the next.  When a new day dawns it represents a fresh start. The ending of one day to start another.  What I have learned is, we can not completely start fresh until we have closed out the previous.  So I can not move on into something new until I have finished dealing with the old.  This may only take a day in some cases, but in many others it will take days, weeks, months, and hopefully not years.  My point is we must take the time to heal and change. For me it is not wrong to get angry, but it is for me to stay angry, Unfortunately at the core of many of my personal conflicts has been anger and I needed to heal.  To move on in new things, to completely change I must  deal with and cast off my past.

I am sharing that journey with you.        

  

Don't Get Angry Time to Heal

Jas 1:19  Therefore, my beloved brothers, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.
Jas 1:20  For the wrath of man does not work out the righteousness of God.

In a time of prayer some time back I realized my problem was anger.  I felt Father was dealing with me and showing me how anger was effecting my life. I had let a whole bunch of people and events get to me and anger was getting a hold of my life.

Growing up I had big dreams and expectation for my life. I have always felt God had a purpose for me and a calling for me to fulfill. My whole ambition in life was to pursue that purpose and dreams. I will say there was even a time that I pursued my dreams and calling more than God himself.  I know today more than ever how off track I was. Without a strong relationship with the Father there is no way to truly understand God's given purpose and dreams.

As I was growing up I was small for my age, and found myself almost always fighting back bullies. I was often in fights and was determined never to lose, so often in pain and bloodied I would never stop until I had overcome. The sad thing about that was,  my parents were against fighting and I would often get punished for getting into a fight. The other thing I dealt with, was proving myself to everyone that I could do what everyone else my age could do. All someone had to do was tell me I could not do something and I would set out to prove them wrong. Like the time I was 4' 11", 105 lbs I went out for varsity football, boy did I get my bell rung a few times.

Then in my home where there should have been peace and love, I and my siblings did not know what that was. My parents lived in our home with basically a love hate relationship. Years later we were told that they stayed together for us kids, and also because of their religious beliefs. Because of that they spent the last twenty plus years of their marriage fighting and tearing each other down.  Due to that I saw a lot of anger in my father. The long lasting effect on all of the family was devastating, with children with multiple divorces and remarriages, drugs, and broken families. I was ashamed of who I was and my family.

It was easy for me to be angry. I guess you could say I had some serious security issues.  I used that anger to propel me to achieve. I was more determined to accomplish my dreams and calling.  The further my dreams seemed from me the more I fought to accomplish what I felt was my purpose. I was lost without a place I felt I belonged.      

In pursuing my calling, and having a strong hunger to be the person God wanted, I made some poor choices in life.  I also relied to heavily on spiritual leaders and men.  I trusted them for my doctrines, and understanding of God.  At the time I did not see it, but boy was I wrong.  I worked hard to please men whom we were taught had God given authority. I wanted to believe the best and that they had my best interest at heart. They were manipulators, deceivers, and users of people. I did not see the impact they had on me or how much advantage they took until years later when some things were revealed.  The biggest lie was if I stayed with and under their authority that they would help me accomplish, and fulfill my calling. They filled me with promises and praises, but only as I did what they said was submission to God through them.

Years later I am a pastor of a church thinking I had broken free, but as long as I let anger rule in my life I was still bound.  I was having some success, but each step was a battle and full of set backs.  I was still trying to prove myself and find acceptance.  I joined fellowships and a denomination trying to find my place.  I truly thought I was doing better and healing in my heart, but there still was that anger.  Like the scripture anger was holding me back from the plans of God.

Piece by Piece through simple events I began to see some changes.  I began to seek God not the dream or calling.  One time during a struggle I even got angry at God. I had my face buried in the carpet yelling at God.  When I was done God spoke to my heart and I felt a peace I never felt before.  I began to recognize that God wanted me to know Him and all He was.  I began to see Him as my Father.  In prayer each day I would call Him Daddy, Little by little He would show me people I needed to forgive.  It took time, but day by day I was feeling anger leave me. Yet the work was not done, this was going to some time

More Next Time