Many people grow up exposed to many different things that impact their lives in different ways. Like my wife was exposed to an alcoholic father that was sexually abusive. Now he did not touch her, but she knew those he did. After we were married there were things we had to deal with. Some came easy and others did not. There are things in all of us at one point or another have to deal with. Sometimes God,s grace shows out and miraculously we are free, but I would say most the time we have to walk it out in faith through out our life. It can become the very thing that makes us strong, with mind sets to overcome. To others it may become their defeat, and slip into the very thing they were exposed to. Such as children of alcoholic parents often battle with alcohol, and many lose that battle. For me I grew up in a home with a father with an explosive temper, and parents that did not know how to show love, nor loved each other. This is my journey of healing that I am sharing with you.
True deep healing takes time. Depending on the hurt or wound, how much time it takes to heal can be a factor. Let's face it, God saves broken people. If we were not broken and in need of emotional, spiritual healing, we would not need a savior. This seems for me in my life a long time, and that has a lot to due with how I deal with my hurts. I am one of those guys that if I cut my finger while doing something I need or want to get done. I will not stop my task because of a injury. Now depending how bad the cut is I may stop long enough to wrap or bandage it, but get right back to work, and deal with the cut later. Others may stop everything and deal with the cut and not do another thing until they feel better. Nether is right or wrong, but it does effect how we heal. This I believe applies to spiritual and emotional healing as well. For me I can't let a person, thing or event stop me from doing what I feel needs done and that effect how I heal. It is when I sit down and reflect, or think about it I realize how hurt I am, and often will not take the time to heal before moving on.
My big issue was anger, it laid at the core of everything I had to deal with in my life. The other things I had to overcome in life were just surface issues so to speak, anger was always at the root. It has taken many years to fully understand this. Because I used my anger for what I thought was strengthening me. In everything I faced in life I used my anger to overcome. I refused to give up on anything. Now I am thankful I did not give up on my faith, but looking back there are many times I should have let go. I would often get something done but there would be body bags everywhere. (metafor)
Eph 4:26 Be angry, and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down upon your wrath,
Be angry and don't sin what does that mean? I the context of this verse I think we can understand what the writer is saying. Eph 4:22 For you ought to put off the old man (according to your way of living before) who is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts,
Eph 4:23 and be renewed in the spirit of your mind. Eph 4:24 And you should put on the new man, who according to God was created in righteousness and true holiness. God created us with emotions and the ability to express ourselves. If we look at the Bible, we will see God expressing himself with an array of emotions and anger being one of them. So is it wrong to get angry or be angry? I don't think so. So it is the second part of that verse is key to living. It is how we deal with that anger and what we do when angry.
Let me tell on myself about dealing with trouble while angry. After I had started a church we thought growth was steady and good. I really wanted to be a good pastor and prove to myself and others that what I had been exposed to earlier in ministry was not the way to do it and one could lead by example, love, and involved in their lives. The church was barley a year old and I had a whole family of 3 couples claiming I was doing it all wrong and wanted to take over. At that same time I had an old truck that I had purchased from a preacher that had done me wrong in many ways, even took advantage of me when he sold me that truck knowing it had issues. This same preacher was still giving me trouble when that truck broke down. I was dealing with the new church and it's issues and now this truck! I was sure I could fix it myself, when my wife was telling me to get someone to help. Needless to say I could not get it fixed, something to do with the carburetor. My anger got to me and I had a fit of rage. My wife looked out the back of the house finding me dowsing the truck with a can of gasoline. I was going to burn that truck because of who it represented. She yelled out the door "You burn that truck and it will be the last one you will ever get. Get in this house and you need to pray!" Now praying was the last thing I really wanted to do, but that is what I did. Like many times before God gave me peace and an answer to how to deal with the church, and it worked. Now that truck was another thing I just had to get rid of.
You see, I don't think my getting angry at my truck, church, and that preacher was wrong. It was not wrong to be angry at my past experiences. It became wrong when it caused me to act out in an ungodly way. From as early as I can remember because of me being bullied and picked on I had used my anger to defend others who were being mistreated. Yet there where times when I did not do it right and my actions became unrighteous. That was because I really did not understand that second part of the verse.
Don't let the sun go down on your wrath? What does that mean? I have heard over the years many explanations, but they always seemed so difficult to do. Like we must forgive quickly, or don't go to bed angry. There are many, but let me share my insight. We are all humans like the ones Paul was addressing, that have a past life and struggles. We all need to change in some way or another, and there are things in all of use we need to get out of our lives, that do not help us live Godly. We are all called to be like Jesus and the people God had intended us to be. For me the Sun going down was a change in time from one day to the next. When a new day dawns it represents a fresh start. The ending of one day to start another. What I have learned is, we can not completely start fresh until we have closed out the previous. So I can not move on into something new until I have finished dealing with the old. This may only take a day in some cases, but in many others it will take days, weeks, months, and hopefully not years. My point is we must take the time to heal and change. For me it is not wrong to get angry, but it is for me to stay angry, Unfortunately at the core of many of my personal conflicts has been anger and I needed to heal. To move on in new things, to completely change I must deal with and cast off my past.
I am sharing that journey with you.
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